Conductor Chic
It’s Tuesday and the fuse is short and frayed today. Feel like the tiniest thing is going to set me off. Like a ticking dirty bomb. (Even if I did shower today.)
I gotta really work to reign in the temper. And I have no good reason to feel this way but it’s just got a grip on me right now so, if I sound a little acidic, caustic, toxic, sour, acerbic, corrosive, I dunno, deal with it I guess.
See? I’m so argumentative. I’ve been Ebeneezered, Grinched, Bad Santa-ed.
I forgot to buy my train ticket and it’s gonna cost me an extra fiver to buy it on board. I had all the time in the world to get the dern thing, I just sat in the waiting room and the thought didn’t cross my mind—until I boarded the train. Well there goes X-mas this year for ya. Sorry folks, I spent your gift money on my on-board fare.
Guess that five spot would be MTA’s version of a convenience fee. I’m just glad I can contribute to the silly uniforms they make those poor train conductors wear. Probably the most unflattering ensemble you’d ever see.
Navy plain-ugly-n-straight slacks (you have to call them slacks because pants would be too contemporary). Baby blue pin-striped short sleeve button down with decorative, retard pockets on each breast.
The shirts also come with that extremely stupid shoulder strap thing. You know, the flaps that army generals and safari enthusiasts wear. I suppose, if the train breaks down, they need some way to hitch the conductors up to the head car so the poor saps can pull it the rest of the way.
I haven’t even mentioned the hats. They only word I can come up with is “silly.” And maybe “pitiful.” But the brass “MTA” medallion gives it that real Tonka authenticity. I think you can order the entire kit from traingeeks.com.
I’m just glad I can contribute to the public humiliation of another human being. I just hope they are paid well to endure walking the aisles as a parody of themselves.
If I ran MTA, that’s the first thing I’d change. Yeah, maybe the cars are a little beat up, the seats are lumpy, and the heat doesn’t work, but those poor conductors, they got it bad.
Wow! And just like that, my day got a little better.
Thank ye for the ear.
I gotta really work to reign in the temper. And I have no good reason to feel this way but it’s just got a grip on me right now so, if I sound a little acidic, caustic, toxic, sour, acerbic, corrosive, I dunno, deal with it I guess.
See? I’m so argumentative. I’ve been Ebeneezered, Grinched, Bad Santa-ed.
I forgot to buy my train ticket and it’s gonna cost me an extra fiver to buy it on board. I had all the time in the world to get the dern thing, I just sat in the waiting room and the thought didn’t cross my mind—until I boarded the train. Well there goes X-mas this year for ya. Sorry folks, I spent your gift money on my on-board fare.
Guess that five spot would be MTA’s version of a convenience fee. I’m just glad I can contribute to the silly uniforms they make those poor train conductors wear. Probably the most unflattering ensemble you’d ever see.
Navy plain-ugly-n-straight slacks (you have to call them slacks because pants would be too contemporary). Baby blue pin-striped short sleeve button down with decorative, retard pockets on each breast.
The shirts also come with that extremely stupid shoulder strap thing. You know, the flaps that army generals and safari enthusiasts wear. I suppose, if the train breaks down, they need some way to hitch the conductors up to the head car so the poor saps can pull it the rest of the way.
I haven’t even mentioned the hats. They only word I can come up with is “silly.” And maybe “pitiful.” But the brass “MTA” medallion gives it that real Tonka authenticity. I think you can order the entire kit from traingeeks.com.
I’m just glad I can contribute to the public humiliation of another human being. I just hope they are paid well to endure walking the aisles as a parody of themselves.
If I ran MTA, that’s the first thing I’d change. Yeah, maybe the cars are a little beat up, the seats are lumpy, and the heat doesn’t work, but those poor conductors, they got it bad.
Wow! And just like that, my day got a little better.
Thank ye for the ear.
posted by Greg Monaco at 9:49 AM
2 Comments:
Dire Straits
Are you the Sultan of Swing?
Post a Comment
<< Home