Ooooh! Snap!

Two months after the World Cup final, and we finally find out what Marco Materazzi said to Zinedine Zidane to cause the infamous head butt. Quick recap: Mertazzi was marking Zidane and, in the process, pulled on his shirt.

Zidane: You can have my shirt after the game.

Materazzi: I prefer your sister.

BWAAAAAAA. Classic playground stuff. Well done, Marco. You probably first heard it when you were five, but it never gets old. And it never stops inciting violence. I’m sure I got punched the first time I said it to someone.

Yes, it could be construed as a little offensive. But nowhere near as offensive as what the gossip starved, rumor spreaders we call “the press” were drumming up.

Zidane has Algerian parents, so Materazzi called him a terrorist.

Zidane is close with his mother, so Materazzi called him a son of a whore.

These speculative responses are more in line with causing someone to lay down a head butt to the chest, but they weren’t true. Yet somebody printed em. So, who dreamt em up?

I can see how this can happen: reporters are always looking for an angle, relentlessly hunting em down. When there isn’t one, they manufacture em. And I must say, I’m a little disappointed. If you’re going to make something up, then make it count!

The whole “you’re a terrorist” angle was just too convenient. And the “your mom’s a whore” is tired. That’s just lazy reporting.

How about, “That wasn’t me tugging on your shirt, that was a hologram of Oscar Gamble.” Or “Sorry I only understand French with a lisp.” Or “I’ve got a Euro somewhere on my body…” Or “Mmmm bug. Doormat feline soda peel me a racecar. Vrrrrooom.”

I can see the headlines now. “Zidane Headbutts Weirdo Materazzi”

That’s a story! Run with it!

GM