One Less Fortunado
In the suffocating heat, among the swarming gnats, and on a field that was better fit for a tractor pull, we managed to defeat our opponents 5-3 in a turbulent co-ed soccer matchup.
I’m happy to say, that Monacos were responsible for four of our five goals last night. Kris notched the first one by launching a shot that popped just over the keeper’s reach. I scored two and assisted on one.
So our undefeated co-ed season is still going strong despite a category-four tantrum by the coach’s son, Fortunado Jr. He is one of the three Fortunados on our team and he not only managed to get himself kicked out of the game, but kicked out of the league.
Bravo, idiot.
Fortunado Jr. doesn’t look or act like a soccer player. He’s built like a bouncer: triple reinfoced muscle on top of cinder block. Riveted into his mountainous shoulders is a perfect bowling ball head: equally dumb, twice as hard, and quite shiny.
He’s the worst kind of player, injuring more players than completing passes. Reckless on and off the ball. A freakish temper. And a foul mouth. All of these traits came together last night in the perfect storm.
This is a co-ed league, so men and women play together. Nicely. For the most part, that’s how it goes down. The rules are basically the same except for one big change. No slide tackling.
A slide tackle is an aggressive defensive play where a defender slides on the ground feet-first to tackle the ball away—like a baseball player sliding into second base. This type of tackle is very effective, but also results in a lot of injuries from players taking knees and ankles with the ball. That’s why it’s banned in our friendly league.
Fortunado Jr. forgot the rule.
Some unfortunate guy stole the ball from him. He didn’t like that at all. And like a scud missle, he tracked his opponent down and layed down a viscious slide that left them both tangled on the ground. Their effort to untangle was just as viscous, elbows flying.
The referee was quick to show Fortunado the red card (ejection). It’s usually a yellow card (warning), but Fortunado Jr. has a repuation and he enjoyed a few extra elbow shots after the foul.
He went nuclear. He argued with the referee. Argued with his father. Argued with his Uncle. Argued with his sister. He threw three water bottles onto the field and a pair of soccer shoes. He told the referree he’d punch him in the face. Told his father to go f-himself. He asked to be kicked out of the league and quit the team in the same cuss-infused sentence.
Needless to say, Cameron learned a new word or three.
Good riddance.
GM
I’m happy to say, that Monacos were responsible for four of our five goals last night. Kris notched the first one by launching a shot that popped just over the keeper’s reach. I scored two and assisted on one.
So our undefeated co-ed season is still going strong despite a category-four tantrum by the coach’s son, Fortunado Jr. He is one of the three Fortunados on our team and he not only managed to get himself kicked out of the game, but kicked out of the league.
Bravo, idiot.
Fortunado Jr. doesn’t look or act like a soccer player. He’s built like a bouncer: triple reinfoced muscle on top of cinder block. Riveted into his mountainous shoulders is a perfect bowling ball head: equally dumb, twice as hard, and quite shiny.
He’s the worst kind of player, injuring more players than completing passes. Reckless on and off the ball. A freakish temper. And a foul mouth. All of these traits came together last night in the perfect storm.
This is a co-ed league, so men and women play together. Nicely. For the most part, that’s how it goes down. The rules are basically the same except for one big change. No slide tackling.
A slide tackle is an aggressive defensive play where a defender slides on the ground feet-first to tackle the ball away—like a baseball player sliding into second base. This type of tackle is very effective, but also results in a lot of injuries from players taking knees and ankles with the ball. That’s why it’s banned in our friendly league.
Fortunado Jr. forgot the rule.
Some unfortunate guy stole the ball from him. He didn’t like that at all. And like a scud missle, he tracked his opponent down and layed down a viscious slide that left them both tangled on the ground. Their effort to untangle was just as viscous, elbows flying.
The referee was quick to show Fortunado the red card (ejection). It’s usually a yellow card (warning), but Fortunado Jr. has a repuation and he enjoyed a few extra elbow shots after the foul.
He went nuclear. He argued with the referee. Argued with his father. Argued with his Uncle. Argued with his sister. He threw three water bottles onto the field and a pair of soccer shoes. He told the referree he’d punch him in the face. Told his father to go f-himself. He asked to be kicked out of the league and quit the team in the same cuss-infused sentence.
Needless to say, Cameron learned a new word or three.
Good riddance.
GM
posted by Greg Monaco at 10:05 AM
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