Recent Conversation

Cam: Mommy, what’s wrong with your face?

Kris: My face?

Cam: You have dots on your nose.

Kris: Those are freckles.

Cam: Freckles?

Not sure if Cam realizes this, but calling freckles “dots” is infinitely funnier. Cam is telling it like it is, with zero social grace. Bravo, Cammy. It’s quite refreshing. Her job is to observe and announce. Every move you make, every bathroom break, she’ll be watching you.

Wardrobe Negotiations

8:00, Sunday morning. Mother’s Day. A beautiful day. Spring is in peak form. Trees have sprouted big meaty leaves. Flowers showing everything they have. The pollen count has jumped, gold dust coats everything.

I imagine most families are at home, making toast for mom, or maybe ironing shirts for Sunday morning services. The Monaco house isn’t like that. Kris is training her weekend crowd at the gym. Cam and I are off to my soccer game.

Kickoff is slated for 8:30. I’m 15 minutes away from the field. 10 minutes, if I’m a heavy with my right foot. I’m running behind schedule. I like to get to the field with plenty of time to warm the muscles and grease the joints. But I fail to leave enough time for Cam's "What Not to Wear" moments. She’s a miniature fashionista, so we have to wrestle over wardrobe for 5-10 minutes every morning.

But I can make up for lost time on the road. After all, it’s Sunday morning, on Mother’s Day. It’s clear day, so it should be smooth sailing. And I was right, there are no more than 4 cars on all 6 lanes of I-95.

The officer told me he clocked me three times: Once at 84, once at 85, once at 86 —all in a 55 zone. From the sound of it, I was accelerating through the speed trap. If you've seen me play soccer, you know my right foot is good for nothing. Now it just cost me $249.

Before you go judging me on how reckless I am with my daughter in my car, let me first say you are right. I shouldn’t be going that fast with Cam in the backseat. I have no excuses, no justifications.

It is just what it is. A dumb move, albeit a fast one.

From now on, I leave an extra 5-10 minutes in for wardrobe negotiations.