How to Induce a Heart Attack

Good morning all. 

Train 10 minutes late. Crowded. The rumble, the gentle quaking. 

On my way into the concrete caverns of Manhattan. One passenger behind me is clearing her throat incessantly—like a cat working on a hairball. It’s happening every 10 seconds. What does she have in there? Roof tar? Very pleasant. Headphones! Ah, better. 

I wanted to clue you in on a new regimen of mine. If you know me, I’m always looking for ways to improve my days. Shake things up. Experiment here and there to see if anything sticks. A couple of things have stuck, most don’t. 

This regimen is something everybody can do. It doesn’t take any extra time, and the benefits are immediate. It provides a natural jolt of energy—you feel electrified. Every nerve ending peaked, every capilary dialated. You can even feel the effects inside your teeth.

If you’re one for a morning shower, give this a shot:

At the end of your shower, cut the hot water and stand there as long as you can man it. One minute? Two? Three if you’re Tundra Man. 

Now, you southerners might not appreciate the effects of this regimen due to higher water temps. But us in the north country, where the water comes at us from the frozen aquifers of Quebec, we can fully treasure the horror of ice nards. 

You will hyperventilate for the first 20 seconds. Expect a expletive or three to leak out. You’ll experience numbness, nausea, and delirium. Your heart will be in your throat, if it doesn't stop altogether. 

But, when you cut the water off. Bliss.