Randomized

Got me iPod randomizin right now. No clue what surprise is next. I have 7704 songs that the little robotic brain inside can choose from. Right now, John Hammond is singin’ the blues “Here come the big black Mariah” or something like that. I can’t really tell cause it sounds like he has a mouthful of cotton.

Oh, next up They Might Be Giants. It’s hard to write with those guys playin. So spazzy n quirky. Hang on a few…

Now it’s Miles Davis, that’s better. The words will flow more freely now.

I can only hope your weekend was half of mine. Pure perfection. Kicked the ball around yesterday. The world must be coming to an end, because my crappy soccer club actually won a game against an even crappier side from North Branford. 7-0.

Since Kris passed her personal training exam, I’ve become her test subject. She put me on a program Saturday. Custom designed it for me. She had me lungin, squattin, thrustin, pushin, pullin—and then we went to the gym. Ha ha. It's my blog. I can lay down a cheap joke for ya if I want.

Now Primus is on, talk about spazzy. They are like a cartoon. Impossible arrangements complemented by an impossible voice. I saw them live once and somebody kept throwing shoes up on stage. Not sure if he smuggled a bag of em in, or was stealing them from stage divers. The singer got tired of dodging the shoes and calmly walked up to the mike, ”I read somewhere that people who throw shoes are more inclined to have insignificant genitaila.”

Shoe problem solved.

Not to trivialize the nightmare in the Mideast, but I wonder if some of those problems couldn’t be solved with a witty line or two. A well-timed joke. Perhaps a thoughtful satire.

Blowing up children sure isn’t working. Let’s send over Brian Regan, or that fat guy from Last Comic Standing. I mean, c’mon. Isrealis and Hizbollahs are human beings. And aren’t all human beings equipped with some kind of sense of humor?

All we need to do is find what is universally funny. The kind of comedy that all nationalities and religions can appreciate, like:

• somebody walking through a spider web.
• an unzipped fly.
• a Benny Hill episode.
• white people dancing.
• my lactose-intolerant brother after drinking a glass of milk.
• nerds.
• my 22-month old daughter saying the word “delicious.”
• dog poo.

Let’s use Shakespeare’s formula, infuse a little comedy to defuse the tragedy. Worth a shot, eh?

Well, Devo just came on the iPod. I’ll leave you with one final thought: Whip it. Whip it good.

GM