Oooof!
Heyho! Good Mornin everybody.
I'm in an unusually good spirit this morning despite the circumstances that transpired an hour or so ago. My lovely daughter climbed into bed with us and delivered a donkey kick right to the old nardos. Yes, the beans, the berries, the cherry tomatoes, the happy pommegranites. HELL-o. Not exactly the kind of wake up call I was expectin on a lovely July morning.
For those of you who do not get to experience the thrill and the agony of external genitalia, let me describe what a shot to them at 6:42 a.m. feels like. The initial shock isn't the painful part. That's a myth. The immediate yelp, or groan, or prolonged exhale you inevitably hear right after impact is not from from pain. It's from fear. Fear of the aftershock.
That's the low frequency pain that is pitted at the core of your soul. It starts there and ripples outward, resonating throughout the body. This pain chain-reaction will cause a stone mason's eyes to tear. You see the strange thing about nut shots is the nuts don't want to have anything to do with it. The nuts pass it on to your guts.
They just throw their little testicular hands in the air, and say, "That's it, I'm done. Recoil unit! Bring me up!"
It's not a sharp pain, or a dull pain. No, sir. It a sharp and dull pain that builds exponentially til the legs give out, and the lungs seize. At this point you can't point to the pain, because you are the pain.
Take a pair of scissors and stab yourself just above the pubic bone. Make sure they're in deep enough so you can open and close the blades a half dozen times, that's part of it. Then insert a white hot rotisserie skewer through the olde poop chute. Make sure you take it to the handle. Then funnel in a fifth of cheap Kentucky bourbon. That's part of it. Then thread a garden hose through each nostril and down deep into the esophagus. Kink the hose to let the water pressure build, then let her go. That's part of it, too.
Keep that going for a solid 5 minutes. And then you try to have a productive morning.
GM
I'm in an unusually good spirit this morning despite the circumstances that transpired an hour or so ago. My lovely daughter climbed into bed with us and delivered a donkey kick right to the old nardos. Yes, the beans, the berries, the cherry tomatoes, the happy pommegranites. HELL-o. Not exactly the kind of wake up call I was expectin on a lovely July morning.
For those of you who do not get to experience the thrill and the agony of external genitalia, let me describe what a shot to them at 6:42 a.m. feels like. The initial shock isn't the painful part. That's a myth. The immediate yelp, or groan, or prolonged exhale you inevitably hear right after impact is not from from pain. It's from fear. Fear of the aftershock.
That's the low frequency pain that is pitted at the core of your soul. It starts there and ripples outward, resonating throughout the body. This pain chain-reaction will cause a stone mason's eyes to tear. You see the strange thing about nut shots is the nuts don't want to have anything to do with it. The nuts pass it on to your guts.
They just throw their little testicular hands in the air, and say, "That's it, I'm done. Recoil unit! Bring me up!"
It's not a sharp pain, or a dull pain. No, sir. It a sharp and dull pain that builds exponentially til the legs give out, and the lungs seize. At this point you can't point to the pain, because you are the pain.
Take a pair of scissors and stab yourself just above the pubic bone. Make sure they're in deep enough so you can open and close the blades a half dozen times, that's part of it. Then insert a white hot rotisserie skewer through the olde poop chute. Make sure you take it to the handle. Then funnel in a fifth of cheap Kentucky bourbon. That's part of it. Then thread a garden hose through each nostril and down deep into the esophagus. Kink the hose to let the water pressure build, then let her go. That's part of it, too.
Keep that going for a solid 5 minutes. And then you try to have a productive morning.
GM
posted by Greg Monaco at 8:27 AM
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