Downward-Facing Duck
Good morney friends.
Your humble scribe has decided on a new regimen. A healthy one said to benefit all shapes and sizes. A universal good that will bring you closer to the universe. I figure if I let you in on my new routine, I will more likely commit to it every day. Hope you don’t feel used, but this is the kind of symbiotic relationship I’m hoping to achieve from you: A virutal give/take.
If you haven’t guessed already, it’s Yoga. Kris found an old DVD last night after I mentioned my interest in Yoga for—quite possibly—the four hundredth time.
My first session was at 630 this morning. A striking Scandanavian beauty dressed in smurf-blue tights met me on screen and said in a soft, lilting voice something about energy and power and spirit. Whatever.
She was talking to me from what looked like the edge of the Grand Canyon. Does she not realize a stiff breeze could knock her straight into the rocky void? And why is fog rising from it? When do the Tekken warriors start fighting? It’s all to mystical an magical for an uncaffeinated 630.
Don’t know if you know much about Yoga, but the idea is to breathe properly as you hold certain positions. The positions look easy enough, until you try them. Then you realize only people made of cartilage can do them.
One position had me grabbing my big toe and pulling it back over my shoulder. I think the position is called “giraffe teabagging self.” As I struggle to even grab my big toe, smurfette is telling me to exhale. So I did, I exhaled a string of expletives. That’s my kind of Yoga.
Mind you, this is a Yoga for beginners DVD. Hate to see where she puts my big toe in the advanced DVD. Well, off to a rough start, but as John McEnroe once said, “You gotta suck before you get good.”
GM
Your humble scribe has decided on a new regimen. A healthy one said to benefit all shapes and sizes. A universal good that will bring you closer to the universe. I figure if I let you in on my new routine, I will more likely commit to it every day. Hope you don’t feel used, but this is the kind of symbiotic relationship I’m hoping to achieve from you: A virutal give/take.
If you haven’t guessed already, it’s Yoga. Kris found an old DVD last night after I mentioned my interest in Yoga for—quite possibly—the four hundredth time.
My first session was at 630 this morning. A striking Scandanavian beauty dressed in smurf-blue tights met me on screen and said in a soft, lilting voice something about energy and power and spirit. Whatever.
She was talking to me from what looked like the edge of the Grand Canyon. Does she not realize a stiff breeze could knock her straight into the rocky void? And why is fog rising from it? When do the Tekken warriors start fighting? It’s all to mystical an magical for an uncaffeinated 630.
Don’t know if you know much about Yoga, but the idea is to breathe properly as you hold certain positions. The positions look easy enough, until you try them. Then you realize only people made of cartilage can do them.
One position had me grabbing my big toe and pulling it back over my shoulder. I think the position is called “giraffe teabagging self.” As I struggle to even grab my big toe, smurfette is telling me to exhale. So I did, I exhaled a string of expletives. That’s my kind of Yoga.
Mind you, this is a Yoga for beginners DVD. Hate to see where she puts my big toe in the advanced DVD. Well, off to a rough start, but as John McEnroe once said, “You gotta suck before you get good.”
GM
posted by Greg Monaco at 9:50 AM
1 Comments:
Dude...
IMHO yoga is a huge waste of time. Why kill yourself (and your dignity) trying to get into all those crazy positions when you can let technology do the work for you?
My suggestion if you want to 'get limber' is to buy yourself one of those 'Craft-Matic Adjustible Beds.'
It hurts the first few attempts, but you'll be blowing yourself with relative ease in no time! And isn't that what you're really after?
Sorry yoga... But if swami-what's-his-name had the technology, the Kama Sutra would've had 300-count thread sheets and three settings...
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